For many of us, January 1 is loaded with meaning. It may serve as a reminder of aspects of ourselves that we desire to improve or change or perhaps it’s about accomplishing certain goals that we believe will help improve our health and happiness. Unfortunately, for many of us, resolutions often seem to come with an expiration date. Apparently, the average lifespan for a resolution typically lasts about two weeks before it withers up on the vine. So why is that? For many of us it has to do with our mentality and feelings around the whole “resolution” concept.

I am always reminded of something important I learned during my time working with people in group therapy who struggled with addiction. I remember working with a patient who had recently relapsed after three months of sobriety. People always talk about recovery being about the number of days you string together, “I have been sober for 90 days” or “I have been sober for 4 years and two months.”  However, I have always believed that Recovery is in fact a state of mind and that is where it all begins. When we start change in our lives it’s always uncomfortable. On the days when we don’t hit the mark, we have to acknowledge what that experience means to us. We can experience the feelings around not meeting our own expectations. Often times that means feeling guilt and/or shame around it, but for those who can extend beyond the feelings of the moment there is something great that comes out of it…experience! Less than 5% of people who set out for change in life get it perfect the first time. Does that mean we lose? No, it means we need to slow down and learn from the experiences that feel like they set us back. When we are children and we are learning to walk, do we quit trying the first time we fall down? I’m sure glad we didn’t!

Something really cool about goal setting is that we know in the psychology field that the more we set and achieve goals, our general sense of self-efficacy (or the belief that we can accomplish what we set out to do) may improve. And our levels of self-efficacy have everything to do with how we set goals and rise to new challenges. People with high self-efficacy tend to believe they have agency in their life and will set goals, learn from mistakes, and believe that they can effect change in their own lives. Let’s believe in our agency in 2018. Remember this life is a journey of experience and learning!

The following pointers are designed to help achieve those goals for the upcoming year. Plan for failure! Remember that failure presents itself as something that can cause feelings that make us quit or it can be an opportunity for learning so we can stay on task with the bigger picture.

1. Remember to set up goals that are achievable. Don’t make a goal that is out of your realm of control (e.g. a goal that is dependent on other people, etc.).
2. Accountability – Make sure to tell someone what you are doing! Our secrets can keep us from hitting the mark. It’s not a failed resolution if others don’t know about it 😉 That being said…tell someone! You don’t have to broadcast it on social media but having an accountability buddy can often make all the difference.
3. Make sure your goals are measurable! How do you know if you are doing well if you don’t have markers to work of off? Track improvements and / or changes along the way.
4. Reward yourself! If its a particularly hard goal or one that merits major life change then be prepared to reward yourself with something meaningful! After all, you have worked hard and have earned it! Let’s celebrate the wins.
5. Don’t let the fact you don’t get it right the first time derail you from continuing forward with what you want to achieve. Failure can be an obstacle or it can be a learning experience to propel us to success!

Happy 2018 from Restore Counseling Nashville! We believe in you!